はいく 一
先週森木をとても切る
コンシュウトシ
はいく 二
春にがま
「ケロケロ」話す
水に飛ぶ
***These are the same as my drafts, except that in the second, I used the correct Japanese frog sound as pointed out in the comments below.
***These are the same as my drafts, except that in the second, I used the correct Japanese frog sound as pointed out in the comments below.
These はいく are really great! The second one is reminiscent of "Old Pond," by ばしょうさん。It reminds me of the harsh sound that frogs can make, and then as it jumps in the water a more pleasant sound is made.
ReplyDeleteThe first はいく is very simple, but the use of katakana really makes it powerful in the last line. I find it interesting that 切る is not in katakana.
アレン
I like both of these haikus. The first one is very powerful in conveying the idea of sadness, especially with katakana to emphasize it.
ReplyDeleteThe second one is good too, but there is something I want to point out. I think traditionally, frog sound is ケロケロ in Japanese. Incidentally this will make the number of morae works out fine too.